IRL.

IRL, in real life.

I spend far more time on the computer than I wish to. I feel like I am often sitting down, and hours later (with bits snatched here and there) I emerge with no real communication achieved or information learned. I shudder to think how much time is spent in front of it.

I am wanting more friends IRL than online. I can't seem to keep up with my friends IRL, so what makes me think I can be a friend to someone online? Is it because expectations are vastly different? I don't know. I just feel a bit disconnected, and I feel like my inbox taunts me with all the information that arrives each day. Some of it is useful, some of it is information, and very little of it is real communication.

I'm trying to figure out what it means for me. I seem to have something on my calendar for each day of the week. With a small child, I feel that I cannot traipse from one event after another in the course of a day. I do it at times, and I feel the effects of a missed nap. And, if I do something out with someone, then other things have to fall by the wayside as a result. I was hoping for a more laid back week, after this week, I told myself. Just push yourself through to next week, and life will slow down. No, it doesn't happen, without me putting on the brakes and having to say "no".

"I'd really like to get together with you, but I'm busy this week. Next week I'm free on Friday. How about that?"

"No, okay, well the following week I'm free on Tuesday and Friday," blundering around trying to make myself more available.

Does it feel like a blow off to the other person when we have to schedule so many weeks in advance? On the other hand, I feel like I'm blowing off myself when I schedule so much that naps are missed. The tantrums begin and I look forward to bedtime with a hint of remorse that I've missed my daughter in the course of the day and what she needs.

Maybe I'll figure out the balance IRL.