Ramblings of a 30 something

Monday, August 25, 2008

Trading up.

Recently E has started a lot of sentences with, "When I get bigger, I'm gonna....." It might be that she's going to eat spicy curry rice, drive a car, or grow big breasts.

The funniest one lately was in regards to trying to give her an incentive to giving up her pacifier. I told her that maybe we could think of something that she'd like to trade for her binky, trying the replacement tack with negotiations. She said that when she got bigger she'd trade her binky.

So, when I pressed further about what concrete thing I might be able to trade with her, then came her response:

"When I get bigger, I'm gonna trade my binky for a BIG BINKY. A HUGE (pronounced hooj) BINKY!"

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Unscheduled Fun.




Today was a day that I had many thoughts of how to fill. However, the idea of filling up the day and being productive or whatever didn't win out. Since I am living in Japan and my friends and family are all 13 hours behind me, mornings are usually the only time that I can make those vital connections. Yes, I could have gone to see my doctor for a prescription refill that is not especially dire at the moment on his Thursday in the office. But, I wanted to call a friend, and so I did.

Life is not always planned or scripted. Yes, we all have things that need to be done and even jobs (gasp!) that require us to show up at certain times and to be available to only them. I often spend far too much time trying to make life efficient or figuring out the best schedule to accomplish many things in the least amount of time or mileage. For all that time spent, I have yet to ever feel that I've really mastered it.

Recently I was talking with a mom from playgroup, and she was asking me about how much I worked and when. I confessed that I often worried about the timing and how E misses out on naps on those days and we end up in tears and screams while I'm trying to get dinner ready. Between that and thinking about preschool starting next year, I often wonder if I've done/am doing the right thing. She told me that like her, I think too much. Now, while things could have gone downhill quickly, and I could have uttered that oft fatigued phrase, "You don't know me!", you can't deny it.

I often wonder if a study could be performed on my DNA, how much more closely related I am to cows than the average human. Something in my ruminations absolutely feels bovine at times. The ability to stand and stare while chewing on something over and over, or alternately in my case- sit and stare- gives me pause. Some people I admire for their ability to get stuff done. And by stuff, I mean, it seems that they can cram an entire week's worth of life in one day. I, on the other hand, am feeling pretty impressed that I had a phone call, laundry, and have aired out the futons today. I took E to the agricultural center where we took along some sandwiches for lunch and checked out some animals. As I type, E is napping and I've got curry on the stove for tonight's dinner. And, I want to say, "See! I'm not such a loser! Yes, I spent far too much time wondering how to use up lots of veggies and am wondering what to make for tomorrow night's dinner, but hey, I'm functioning!" I was able to break out of my ruminations long enough to MOVE and do something, anything.

So, yes, I do think too much. I am thinking about the resume I updated last night and the cover letter I drafted. Yet another painful task for me to see my paltry set of experiences pasted on a standard size of paper, wondering if I can sell myself to someone having an off day. I think there must be a place for me....somewhere. But, despite my hesitations, reservations, and ruminations, I was able to experience the wonder of newly hatched chicks at the agricultural center and tried to impart some of that wonder to my daughter. Watching the chicks- wet, eyes closed, and stumbling- it was peaceful. Other eggs on exhibit showed signs of their inhabitant's efforts to get on with their living. I peered in close to watch an egg with a small hole begin to futher deteriorate as its shell was being outgrown. E can't have the patience to stay around and watch the progress, but I flung a small wish heavenward hoping that the chick would be strong enough to endure that process and then the beaks of it's roommates in the bin.

Rumination replaced by wonder, if only for a short time....it was a good day.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Summer Festival




We attended a summer festival about a week ago. E is usually quite the kid who loves to dance, but she just couldn't seem to get involved with the dancing going on there.

Monday, August 04, 2008

Dreams Deferred.

I recall this poem by Langston Hughes, and I am thinking a little more about it in relation to my own life. And, I'm thinking of my big brother who is embarking on a goal in life that he's making a reality.


A Dream Deferred by Langston Hughes

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore-- And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over-- like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

Sunday, August 03, 2008

Tantrums.

If I were a 3 year old, I would be put in time out. I have been having a whole series of "I hate Japan/my life/my limitations/my English teaching suckiness" days. Naps help, but I wake up to find my life exactly as it was, and I'm not really sure what to do about it.

I want to alternately scream and cry and then find a way to get a life. The getting a life part seems especially hard for me. But, having a nap and putting off preparing for what little work I'm doing this summer is not really helping.

Save me!

Saturday, August 02, 2008

More books for thought.

I'm reading how many books at once at the moment? 3 or more, I think. Can I keep them straight? Not really, but they are all things that I want to read at the moment.

Women and Money: Owning the Power to Control Your Destiny by Suze Orman

As I'm trying to streamline our finances and get all things in order on paper and in files, this is very helpful. It's made me actually look at the percentage rates of our accounts and see how little they're making. Next step is to wiggle things around and get the money in accounts that are actually yielding something more.

12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know by Michele Borba

Sort of written in response to Perfect Madness where the moms all seem to be running around at the speed of sound trying to give their child every opportunity. I'm not so far in at the moment, but it resonates with me about focusing on what is important and not falling under the spell of what every other kid is doing.

Stumbling on Happiness by Daniel Gilbert

Enlightening but not self-help and speaks about happiness and how our brains work to seek it/predict it.

What are you reading?