Tired.

First week at a job, which actually seems to be a pretty good job, and I'm feeling a little tired. I can't seem to get on top of my schedule, the house, the groceries, etc. I seem to be running from one thing to the next. And, I know it all seems laughable in that I'm not working much. My life even before a job just ran better if I had lists, could locate the list, and could shop from the list, etc. Notice a pattern?

Today was our first day at playgroup since summer break. Everyone wanted to catch up with everyone else, and I felt a bit chaotic. Trying to corral kids to move on to the next task, moms wanting to catch up on summer stories, and I'm wondering if I might be a bit too sensitive to sound. Or I'm a hopeless hermit forced to live in a world of people? Though my actions may be feral at times, I promise that I have been taken out into the world and allowed to socialize (mainstream, some of you may say) with the rest of the homo sapiens. (She said homo)

F is headed to Tokyo tomorrow for a meeting. Nothing particularly noteworthy about that, though he's wondering if he'll be home tomorrow night. A typhoon could be making landfall between Shizuoka and Tokyo, and train service could be affected. Our area may experience rain, so E might not be able to play outside tomorrow at daycare.

Daycare...all is going well. A friend is entering her daughter into the daycare we go to tomorrow. We had a chat tonight, and I can understand the trepidation over sending your child into the arms of strangers. Maybe I'm not such a good mom, as I did look forward to sending her. Or maybe in some ways, I was a good mom in realizing my limits and knowing that I needed some help. A bit of downtime was needed at the beginning in order to get me back into balance and feeling like I wasn't circling the drain. These days E runs inside, says her greetings, hands her notebook to the head teacher for messages between home and there, and doesn't give me a backwards glance. While I do like baby hugs and kisses, I prefer that to the other option.

I've been thinking about getting more involved in life and organizations here. My problem is that I tend to go overboard. I can't go back to work, agree to be the treasurer for our playgroup, and consider getting more involved at church. I have to also be analyzing the possibility of arranging a family camp for friends next month before making a formal announcement, the wisdom of filling a position that's going to be effectively vacated in less than 10 days with the same organization, or possibly taking on a more national role come next April. All this while I'm on several email message groups, taking a very small role in planning a convention for next February, and trying to make myself friend-worthy while neglecting to send emails to long time friends. Conflicted? Doesn't make a lot of sense to me either.

Friday, I dread Friday. I have my third chance at passing or failing the practical driving test to get my Japanese license. I'm not sure if I'm hoping for a brand new proctor this time or the older gentleman I tested with the first time. The second time, while I did not feel particularly embarrassed or bothered by it, I was given a nice dressing down. Maybe if I had cried or shown some type of remorse over my mistakes of not staying left enough or my turns not being tight enough, maybe I would have passed. "You didn't even do the basic things. Do you understand? You didn't do the basic things. Got it?" So this time, I will be counting the 3 seconds that it should take me between the time I turn on my signal and when I start a lane change. I will crawl slowly through the course to make sure that no scooter will fit between me and the left side of the lane. I will make a wide right turn in order to ensure that it appears as though I'm about to drive up on the curb before whipping the car into the lane. And, if I do all these things, perhaps I will not hit the bicyclist who is text messaging as he rides down the sidewalk while I'm attempting to pull out of the parking lot. Perhaps.